32 Weeks Pregnant

I am 32 weeks pregnant with my second daughter, Vivian. My first baby is nearly 22 months old and the light of my life. I am engaged to the man I have loved since I was in my teens. If you had asked the Patty at 18 if this would ever be a possibility, I would have said, hopefully. If you had asked the Patty at 23 the same thing I would have said, absolutely not. Pat and I have been up and down and really down before we became a couple. I attribute it to meeting too young. Still wanting to explore the possibilities out there while keeping each other close. It was just a recipe for disaster. As hard as it all seemed at the time, we wouldn't be where we are today without all of that chaos and heartache. And now we have this incredible little being named Norah. She cracks me up everyday. She is seriously entertaining. She loves following me around everywhere. Loves to sweep with the big broom even though we bought her her own tiny broom. She loves sleeping with Pat and I and usually wakes up laughing, which sounds kind of creepy but it makes me wake up laughing too. When we leave the bedroom, she has to take a pillow or blanket with her. If I try and make her skip this step she gets just as frustrated with me as I am with her and will protest by sitting on the floor until I give in. She loves the cartoon, Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with those songs stuck in my head. When she watches them, she has this small smile on her face the entire time. She loves apples but refuses to eat them when they are cut up. She wants to dig into the entire thing, core and all. She loves to laugh and be silly. Today she kept turning in circles to become dizzy and unstable. Pat and I just watched laughing. She kind of stumbled into a laundry basket full of clothes and got right back up and continued. She brings so much joy to our lives. And now we have another on the way. I feel a bit nervous. For many reasons. Its getting to be the end of the pregnancy and Im wondering if I'll experience the same complications I had with Norah. Thats what made me get up from bed tonight. I felt itchy. I don't know if its because Im actually itchy or if its that Im thinking about becoming itchy with this pregnancy thats making me itchy. Just writing that made me more itchy. I read that I have a 60-90% chance of getting cholestasis again and it freaked me out. That was a horrible experience and I can't imagine getting it again while caring for my toddler. The Heelp syndrome is another monster entirely too. I just want to bring Vivian into this world peacefully. I pray she is healthy. Im anxious to meet her and watch her grow. I wonder if she will look and act like Norah. Im wondering how it will be to care for two babies. But I am ready to get the show on the road.

Fast Forward

Ok, So I fell off the writing wagon. That's ok. The most important thing is that I came back. My daughter turns 1 year in just about 3 weeks. Trip the fuck out :) I'm going to write as if nobody reads this because I'm pretty sure nobody does, and that is perfectly fine with me. Norah. She is perfect. She is full of life. She started growling about 2 weeks ago. Yes, growling. I have no idea where she picked it up, but it reminds me of the stories my mother told me of me growling as a baby and her fear that I had been possessed by a.....spirit. Perhaps she inherited the growling trait from me? She loves when I chew food up for her. This little detail disgusts some people. I don't blame them. However, I have a baby to feed so now I am forced to chew food up for her very discreetly. One day, when I tell her about this little detail, I will be just as embarrassed about it as her. Norah, you made me do this. Your little cries and pleading look in your eyes for my chewed food makes me a sucker. Norah has not started to walk yet. It's right around the corner. She crawls. She Says, "Dada" but she doesn't associate it with pat. Its really the only sound she has formed. She hates sleeping in her crib by herself, but we are forcing her to do it for our own sanity and productivity. I'll post more of the details daily. This is a start though, right?