Goals Goals Goals

My business has to get going. This is what I have decided. It's all dependent on my self motivation. Continuing my education my not be in my future due to finances, which is fine with me. I am grateful for everything I was exposed to at Brooks, and know that I would have never had such a good foundation had it not been for Brooks.

So, game face is on. I need to do at least one thing daily to promote the development of my business.

First thing on my agenda: update website.

ugh..

Whats wrong with me?

For the last 3 weeks I have been running like a madman. 4-6 miles at least 5 times a week. Eating very low fat and healthy. And I gain weight? Oh, depression. Stay away. It frustrates me. I work so hard at trying to be good to my body and it reacts as if I'm living with unhealthy habits.

This week I was in a rut after I weighed myself. I cried and moped around for a good 2 days. I didn't run. I just figured, what is the fucking point?

But my dark cloud is starting to lift again. And I have realized that I just have to stay determined to stay healthy and live healthy. The alternative is not on option if I want to live a full life. i just wish my weight goals did not have to be such a center of my life for so damned long.

But, alas. Here I am. I will conquer you, health. Just as I conquer everything else. I just need to stay positive.

Time to buckle down!

Tomorrow is D day.

D, for Determination.

School starts tomorrow and so does the craziness of my life. The last three months have been blissful. Just work. Granted, I still work 56 hours a week, but now it just seems like a piece of cake compared to what I am usually able to accomplish. I hardly went to the gym either. I feel a tad bit guilty over that, but it was like my mini vacation from my usual chores.

But, I am very excited to jump back into it all. School. Running. Healthy eating. Focus. Focus. Focus.

A friend contacted me about a project she wants to work on with me. She graduates with her PhD in Psychology next year, and I am so proud of her. Her focus is on working with children with autism and this project with have that focus as well. My contribution would be photography.

I am very excited to hear the details of this project. We meet on Tuesday to have a chat about it. Its been a while since i have worked on something non-school related and am leaping for joy for the opportunity.

Have I mentioned how much I love my boyfriend? I have always loved him. It was one of those, love at first sights. Well, actually I heard his voice first and I looked up to see who was speaking because I felt this strange connection to it, almost as if I had heard it before. That sounds strange, but it is the honest truth. Anyways, since we have become an item I realize more and more how much I love him and how perfect he is for me. I feel fortunate..

aahhh, life is good right now. I feel very motivated.

Staying motivated...

This week I didn't hit the gym......at....all. I'm feeling really guilty about that. There really is no reason why I shouldn't be able to squeeze in at least an hour a day. I used to do this easily when I was working 2 jobs AND going to school full time.

At least I kept at my healthy eating. My diet has consisted of mostly yogurt and granola. Lots of fruit. Whole wheat toast. Sugar free pudding. Turkey meat. Veggies. And a little potatoes. Now that I feel that my diet is starting to become consistent, it'll make working out even more productive. My body doesn't like me when I eat bad foods, and there is nothing worse than trying to run when all that bad food is just sitting in your stomach...

hmmm.......


Tomorrow. Is. The. Day. Gonna start running again. I made a workout routine today, and I'm gonna stick to it!

I'm also going to attempt to drive a manual car. Patrick has been kind enough to teach me. Our first attempt this week was.........non-productive. I cursed. Got red in the face. Snapped at Patrick. Lost. my .cooool.

We went again today. Much better. In fact, instead of cursing when the car would jerk uncontrollably, I laughed. Stupid Patty. Get it right...or suffer from whiplash. Is that a word?

I need to start writing about my dreams. They have been so vivid lately. I suppose they have always been vivid, but I really need to start documenting them. I'm not sure why I feel the need to do so.

I also need to write about the details of my grandparents. I'm afraid of forgetting them. Just the silly stuff.

Grandma used to hide the soda under her bed, so the grandchildren wouldn't find them.
She thought computers were evil and they were going to take over the world.
She could never pronounce "Seinfeld". It was always, "Siiinfiiine."
He favorite desert was a cold apple from the fridge.
Grandpa used to eat ice cream sandwiches everyday.
His cheeks would puff out when he would breathe. Not sure when he acquired that habbit.
His main diet consisted of two eggs, two toast for breakfast and dinner.
He read the newspaper all day long

so many more details...

A good day....

Do you ever have those moments when you feel like everything in your life is going according to plan? I live for those moments.

Today, I ventured onto the Internet and typed in www.pjmimages.com, and to my surprise, my website in the making appeared. My heart fluttered a bit and felt this warm sensation in my entire chest. Perhaps an overreaction to some people. Getting a website has been on my agenda for quite some time, and somehow it has never happened, until now. Thank you, Kelli Durham. You efforts to make this happen do not go unappreciated. I owe you, big.

Now I just feel super motivated to get all of my images in order. Many of people have never seen most of my work. I've been keeping it tucked away for this moment. I'm excited to share my art. Love it, or leave it. Either way, I'll be happy to say, " Hey, you want to see my work? Check out my website."

Happy.

Happy.

Happy.

AND, I'll be getting a camera soon. Equally as happy about that. I wont have to turn down jobs anymore due to lack of equipment. Mmmm.....life is good right about now. Everything in coming together. My professional career is almost in sight. I'll still be going to school, but I'll also be getting some real experience, which is sometimes more valuable than school. Hopefully my 7days a week hotel work schedule will come to an end and I can live a little more. I want more time to frolic. Or, enhance my photographic skills.

Life is good.

Video Shoot day

Since I usually post on the graveyard shift, it should be generally assumed that I am talking about the happenings of the previous day's activities..

I went to Trader Joe's today......much to crowded. I'll have to remember to either go early in the morning, or not during the weekend. I replenished my fridge with food that will be good to my body. 

I bought hummus for the first time. I had it in a pita sandwich with a slice of cheese and sprouts and I toasted it. It was delicious and look forward eating it again. Not the same one, of course. 

I also bought flax seed for the first time. I have read several places that there are many health benefits to reap when including it in your diet. I shall try it tomorrow with my newly acquired non-fat yogurt and granola. Sounds yummy..

I took a trip to Santa Barbara today to visit my good friends, Natalie, and Dominic. Natalie was doing a video shoot. A dark and disturbing one, I might add. It kind of reminded me of the little girl in the movie,  " The Ring." Hmm......looking forward to seeing the finished product. 

It was nice to see my friends. It was also nice to be in the photography environment. Looking forward to being back and school and agonizing over deadlines and the creative process. 

Tomorrow morning we do breakfast. Im gonna make sure to keep it lowfat and try not to delve in to soft fluffy pancakes. Mind over matter...

Friday 12/4/09

Today I slept in a little....it felt soooo good. I woke up slowly and was out the door by 10:20am.

Riding my bike to the gym is fun. Something about it makes me feel much younger, in a good way. I'm trying to get to a point where I don't get tired when I ride it, even on an incline. I'll keep you posted on that progress...

I ran 2.5 miles today, and spent 15 minutes on the stair master. I know I can do better than this. At one point I was running an hour a day. Up to 3 miles without stopping. This was a huge feat for me. Now, I am down to 1 mile before I stop :( I shall get back up to that point!

I skipped breakfast. Bad, I know. It was only because I woke so late a zipped on over to the gym right away. For lunch I made a tofu, zucchini and tomato stir fry. Topped it with a little cheese. Seasoned it with some basil..mmmmmm. Delicious. I'm trying to find ways to eat tofu that I find edible. If not prepared correctly, tofu is........nasty. I said it. Its bland and squishy and my instincts tell me to walk away. But, I am easing into it.

I was starved while I was preparing it so I tried to snack on some healthy items: A piece of whole wheat toast and two spoons full of cottage cheese with pineapple.

Patrick ( my boyfriend) and I decided to go to the movies that afternoon. I packed 3 rice cakes to replace popcorn snacking. I love rive cakes. Only 40 calories each! That's a deal. Since I was doing good with my calorie intake for the day, I indulged in a hot dog. It was yummy.

That movie was scary! It think it was called a Fourth Kind? In a nutshell, people get abducted by aliens. Its supposed to be based on a true story, which I plan on researching independently. Which may be a bad idea since I tend to be a very big scardy cat. Scaredy? You get it. I will undoubtedly be very paranoid and be expecting aliens to come and take me in the middle of the night. Oh, especially when Patrick isn't home. Yep, that's when they'd do it....

After that frightful movie I was due for a nap. I work graveyard, so naps are essential. When I woke, I prepared a lunch for work. Now, I know that eating late at night is bad, but since I work graveyard my body tends to scream at me for food. I become short tempered. My hands start to shake. I get heat flashes. Worse, the chocolate stash and cookies call my name. So, to remedy that I pack things that are good for me:

Banana chips ( which I am not 100% sure is a good option)
Yogurt
the leftovers of my tofu mixture
some sugar free jello with a little fat free whip cream.

Surprisingly, whip cream doesn't really have all that much sugar. I don't feel that guilty for eating it.

And of course, I am trying to drink the adequate amount of water each day, so I packed my water jug. 64 ounces are recommended each day. I have 16 to go..