32 Weeks Pregnant

I am 32 weeks pregnant with my second daughter, Vivian. My first baby is nearly 22 months old and the light of my life. I am engaged to the man I have loved since I was in my teens. If you had asked the Patty at 18 if this would ever be a possibility, I would have said, hopefully. If you had asked the Patty at 23 the same thing I would have said, absolutely not. Pat and I have been up and down and really down before we became a couple. I attribute it to meeting too young. Still wanting to explore the possibilities out there while keeping each other close. It was just a recipe for disaster. As hard as it all seemed at the time, we wouldn't be where we are today without all of that chaos and heartache. And now we have this incredible little being named Norah. She cracks me up everyday. She is seriously entertaining. She loves following me around everywhere. Loves to sweep with the big broom even though we bought her her own tiny broom. She loves sleeping with Pat and I and usually wakes up laughing, which sounds kind of creepy but it makes me wake up laughing too. When we leave the bedroom, she has to take a pillow or blanket with her. If I try and make her skip this step she gets just as frustrated with me as I am with her and will protest by sitting on the floor until I give in. She loves the cartoon, Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with those songs stuck in my head. When she watches them, she has this small smile on her face the entire time. She loves apples but refuses to eat them when they are cut up. She wants to dig into the entire thing, core and all. She loves to laugh and be silly. Today she kept turning in circles to become dizzy and unstable. Pat and I just watched laughing. She kind of stumbled into a laundry basket full of clothes and got right back up and continued. She brings so much joy to our lives. And now we have another on the way. I feel a bit nervous. For many reasons. Its getting to be the end of the pregnancy and Im wondering if I'll experience the same complications I had with Norah. Thats what made me get up from bed tonight. I felt itchy. I don't know if its because Im actually itchy or if its that Im thinking about becoming itchy with this pregnancy thats making me itchy. Just writing that made me more itchy. I read that I have a 60-90% chance of getting cholestasis again and it freaked me out. That was a horrible experience and I can't imagine getting it again while caring for my toddler. The Heelp syndrome is another monster entirely too. I just want to bring Vivian into this world peacefully. I pray she is healthy. Im anxious to meet her and watch her grow. I wonder if she will look and act like Norah. Im wondering how it will be to care for two babies. But I am ready to get the show on the road.

Fast Forward

Ok, So I fell off the writing wagon. That's ok. The most important thing is that I came back. My daughter turns 1 year in just about 3 weeks. Trip the fuck out :) I'm going to write as if nobody reads this because I'm pretty sure nobody does, and that is perfectly fine with me. Norah. She is perfect. She is full of life. She started growling about 2 weeks ago. Yes, growling. I have no idea where she picked it up, but it reminds me of the stories my mother told me of me growling as a baby and her fear that I had been possessed by a.....spirit. Perhaps she inherited the growling trait from me? She loves when I chew food up for her. This little detail disgusts some people. I don't blame them. However, I have a baby to feed so now I am forced to chew food up for her very discreetly. One day, when I tell her about this little detail, I will be just as embarrassed about it as her. Norah, you made me do this. Your little cries and pleading look in your eyes for my chewed food makes me a sucker. Norah has not started to walk yet. It's right around the corner. She crawls. She Says, "Dada" but she doesn't associate it with pat. Its really the only sound she has formed. She hates sleeping in her crib by herself, but we are forcing her to do it for our own sanity and productivity. I'll post more of the details daily. This is a start though, right?

Well, hello there..

It's been quite some time since I've checked in. I tend to do this often with journal writing. Then I read back on some of my entries and in an instant I am transported to that time and place in my life and it's...... just really nice and interesting to read up on an old me. So, here I am again. I'm not going to bombard this first post with everything that has happened. That would take too long and time is always lacking. Yes, this has always been true for me for many years but now....I have a baby. I have a baby. What a life altering experience this has been. When I think about everything that has happened I get this rush of so many emotions in my heart. Excitement. Joy. Fear. Anticipation. Love. So much love you think your heart might explode. Having a child and the complications that can go with it doesn't start nor stop on your delivery date. And by complications, I don't just mean physically. I mean emotionally as well. It's tests you in ways you never thought possible. Pregnancy hormones are no joke :) I know its not just the hormones. I know it has to be the shock of being a new parent. That moment it really sinks in that your life is changed forever and that this beautiful little being is yours to cherish and protect for the rest of your life. I am grateful. I have a beautiful little life going. I need to document this. :)

Break

Another one down! I just finished another session at brooks and I am feeling really good about that. 10 months until graduation. 10 months until graduation. 10 months until graduation. It can't come soon enough.

So, I am on break this week from school. My plans are to conquer the gym. I am going to tear. it. up. Summer is just around the corner and I really really want to get over my phobia over wearing shorts. The only remedy is to tone up. I'm gonna run like Forest Gump!

I'm going to be turning 27 in August and to be be honest, it kind of freaks me out. I'm almost 30? How did that happen? I revealed my age to one of my classmates last week and he looked at me in shock. He told me that he thought I didn't look much older than 21. That made me happy. Still, sometimes I analyze my face and notice things that just weren't there before. Freckles on my nose. Wrinkles on my chin. The horror! Anti wrinkle cream is now part of my daily routine. Maybe I can preserve myself like Demi Moore? She looks amazing



Ummm, she is 47! Damn.

Soccer shots

You know what I love about photography? Well, there are many things I love about it. I love how it captures a moment in time. I know that when I look at old photographs I recall who I was at that point. I remember the feeling of that day. I remember the smells. I remember the interaction I had with people on that day. Pictures that you perhaps just glanced over when first captured can take on a new light throughout your life.

I took some shots of the soccer team that Dan, my boyfriend's brother, coaches. I'm not really an sports action shooter, but I gotta say that I loved shooting them. I hope one day these girls look back on these pictures with fondness and realize that this is when the world was wide open to them.

Self Promo

So, the newest school assignment calls for two photographs that speak to your style and vision. Subject matter was open, but it just had to be something that interests you. Basically you had to photograph your passion.

Some students at my school know EXACTLY what they want to photograph. Some are completely engrossed in fashion or food photography. As of late, I am having a photography identity crisis. I don't know what sort of commercial photography I love to shoot. Anything that pays the bills?

So, for this assignment I took the fine art approach. Maybe I found my answer. Here are the two I submitted

Moving on..

Patrick and I moved to a new place this weekend. We are very happy with the new place mostly because it doesn't feel like we are living in a shoebox anymore. The old place was much to tiny. We even have a patio.

I think I'm becoming an old lady, and enjoying it thoroughly. I planted some plants and spread some Morning Glory seeds along the fence in our patio. I'm excited to see if life will sprout. It was therapy for my heart and soul. Finding balance is always a chore for me, and I think that gardening is a good start. I am always needing to remind myself to take a moment to just be instead of freaking out about what I need to accomplish and the lack of time to do it.

My abuelita has been on my mind everyday, all day lately. I make homemade flour tortillas to feel closer to her. They are pretty close to tasting just like hers. I even planted some spinach today. I'll keep you posted on it's progress...